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Standing In Purpose Pushing Through Pain

Happy New Year, beautiful people!!! I am back, fully rested, and ready to share more, go big and have fun in this new year. Good Bye 2020....

Just 12 months ago, I wrote out all the things I wanted to accomplish and what I intended to do with my purpose.

Unaware of what 2020 would throw at us a few months after a family New Year gathering, I was still excited about the year.

Three, Two, One, Happy New Year!!! I yelled. Several of my closes friends wanted to bring the New Year in together. None of us knew 2020 was going to be one of the biggest battles of our lives. We were so happy to start a New Year. The summer of 2019 was a very rough one emotionally and mentally.

While working on myself and Obsidian People, my daughters mother passed, and bam, we were in the middle of a living whirlwind. Emotions, grief, and life changes; we were not prepared for this. I truly believe if it wasn't for my family, friends, spiritual belief, and self-determination, this blog would not be up. I would have thrown all I worked on away. This was a sorrowful and challenging time, and to this day, I still can't believe it.

Working on OPC helped me in so many ways: Yes, 2020 sucked ass big time, but nothing was worst than the end of 2019.

Dedication to find my purpose in 2018-2019. I set goals wrote countless journal entries, trying to figure out, What I wanted to offer to share with the world, How it could impact my life. 2020 was supposed to be the year I pushed hard in my passion.

I started this blog and this journey because I felt I had something to say; I needed to follow my passion. I wanted to uplift people and talk about things that have crossed all of our minds.

I needed to do something with my talents. I didn't want to sit on the gift God had given me. Not knowing where this would take me, scared for what others may say if I open my mouth about my life and feelings. I was scared about how people would accept me for asking them could I write about the dope things they are doing in the community.

Understanding the purpose was so hard for me because so many books felt differently about what purpose meant. I had to figure it out for myself; no rule book could help me. This was a personal adventure.

My favorite quote that helped me understand was a quote from Bishop T.D Jakes. It says, "If you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose".

My search for passion and purpose outweighed my fears. I had to make more out of my life. It was time to take that step, and I was ready.

Being ready for change was emotional as hell. It was like someone strapping a bungee cord to you and pushing you off the highest cliff. Knees shaking, hands sweating, and oh yeah, you know that pit in the middle of your gut that makes you feel like you have the bubble guts. That was me, hitting the go button. I said, screw it, and I jumped because purpose waits for no one.

All those negative thoughts flooded my head. Who wants to read anything you write? Oh, you will never get far; you always quit. Oh, you're going to get bored and stop. You are going to fail.

I literally had a fight with myself, back and forth between the negative and positive. I had to be ok if I failed and push that to the back and at least try.

I was so tired of getting this blog up and running. I talked with my husband, he was on board with my vision. He asked me a few questions to see just where my head was at with this.

If anyone knows me, know that when my mind is made up, I'm going to do it whether others like it or not.

I remember calling my brother telling him what I was planning and had done. I wanted help with the website because I had no idea how to set one up. (Side note if you don't have your shit together, don't ask my brother or my father for help; they will not help you. LOL). But I was ready. I had my notes and presented them. They loved my idea, but I had to get it to pass the matriarch, my mom.

I knew if I told her and she understood and liked the idea, it was a good one. I was on the right track. My mom is not minced for words; she will tell you exactly what's on her mind and truthfully.

To my surprise, she loved what I presented. I had my mind made up before I told anyone. Even if I received negative feedback, I would still push forward because it was something I wanted to do.

What people don't know. I cried for the first 3 months in setting up my website. I asked my brother to help, and he didn't. But I understood he runs his own business and didn't have the time.

Honestly, this was the best thing for me. I sat down and read on how to do it, and the next thing I knew, I designed my own website with any help! That showed me just what I was able to do. If I wanted it, I had to do it and figure it out myself!! I am so proud of my website too. 😁

After months of meditation and self inspirational videos from Youtube, I got myself spiritually ready for whatever was going to come my way.

That first post, I was scared, and I checked to see if anyone read every hour. I was nervous, unsure of myself, and had not a whole lot of confidence. It didn't do as well as I wanted, but I just kept posting. It may not be a lot for some, but if 50 people look at my work, I'm grateful.

People tried to blow out that fire in me, but they couldn't. My purpose was waiting for me not to be so scared about being judged by people who know nothing about me and what I come from. YOU DIDN'T STOP MY PURPOSE!

Life is hard and short; taking time to stand in your purpose is worth the struggle. You may fail; people may talk about you, and that's ok. Half the people are talking, not doing anything with their life anyway but standing on the sidelines. So screw them follow your heart because dreams and passion don't have an age limit, but opportunity can pass, and time will fly by.

Don't miss your shot!!!

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